And in his honor I'm going to use my voice this week to express my displeasure at what happened this weekend in football. Probably my two favorite non Cowboys/Chargers players, Drew Brees and Tim Tebow lost. Fucking bitchface Eli won. Alex Smith is somehow a quarterback now and beautiful Tom and his band of very merry men continue to scare everyone. I am done with football for the year. I could cheer for the Ravens, but I feel like that is cheering for serial rapists with the attitudes on that team. Let's reminisce.
So we were treated to the best game of the weekend first: NO v SF. The first half was one of the ugliest two quarters of football I have ever seen, especially from the Saints side. 4 turnovers by the Saints yielded a mere 17 for the 49ers, but the biggest one was probably the first one on the first drive by the Saints. Looking to score and set the tone for the game Brees hits Pierre Thomas for a short pass and Donte Whitner comes smashing his head into Pierre Thomas' head knocking out Thomas and causing a fumble. The Saints were ready to score there and instead of starting out down 17-0, they would have been up 3-0 or 7-0 and the complexion of the game would have certainly been different.
What I can't believe about that play is that it's totally legal. The NFL has spent the past half decade protecting players heads, but if you are a running back (or a receiver who has caught a ball and is heading up field) a defender can still aim for your head as long as it's not spearing with the helmet.
In the second half of the game we got treated to some sloppy play, and then the most exciting two and a half minutes of football ever. Despite 5 turnovers by the Saints, they were losing as Alex Smith faced a 3rd and 7 with about 2:15 to play. Then came the most inexplicable play call ever (especially considering what was called later in the game, just bear with me) - a naked bootleg. It was a beautiful call because it resulted in the most improbably touchdown ever, but it was so conservative it led me to believe that Jim Harbaugh was trying to play to not lose. A field goal in that situation with 2 minutes left gives you a 2 point lead and about 1:45 too much on the clock for Drew Brees to drive down to field goal range for the win.
So the 49ers score with 2:11 left. Brees takes all of 34 seconds to take the lead back on a nice play to Jimmy Graham that involved some uncharacteristically shoddy tackling by the 49ers. Up by 3 with a a minute and a half to go and Alex Smith rendered one dimensional i thought the game was over. Then Alex Smith completed a Drew Brees like 47 yard pass to Vernon Davis to set up at least a tying field goal attempt. They gain 6 more yards, spike the ball with like 14 seconds left and one chance to win from 14 yards if they want to take it. If you are a 49ers fan at this point raise your hand if you thought at the time that Alex Smith dropping back to pass for the win was a terrible idea. So unlike the previous drive, Harbaugh played to win, put the ball in Alex Smith's hands and told him not to get picked off and to go win the game. Lo and behold, thats what happened. Alex Smith and Vernon Davis connected on a nice slant route that won the game. I couldn't believe what I saw and I can't believe I have to endure a full week of gloating from all the annoying 49er fans out there.
This is how you make sports fun when you dont have a horse in the race: hate. I hate the 49ers. When you run into each other 3 straight years in the NFC Championship game during your youth you learn to hate the other team. 49ers fans probably hate the Cowboys more than any team in their division. It makes sports enjoyable to cheer against teams, and that is perfectly fine. So i have something to cheer for next week right? A 49ers loss? What could possibly ruin that?
Eli Manning going into Lambeau and manhandling the 15-1 Packers is what could ruin it. I can say for sure I hate the Giants more than the 49ers. For those who didnt see, you got pretty sloppy play from the Packers and more consistent play like weve seen the last 3 weeks from the Giants. So what do we get out of it? An 8th playoff matchup all time between the 49ers and Giants. I think im definitely going to hit the golf course Sunday afternoon. What do you do when two of your most hated franchises make the title game in your conference? Don't watch that's what.
I don't even want to make a prediction on this game because it means one of them wins, but since I must for journalistic integrity: Giants 27 49ers 17.
Three reasons why: The Giants are simply playing the best football of anyone in the conference; the 49ers barely won at home against a team who can't play on the road in grass despite 5 turnovers; the 49ers just aren't that good. So at the very least out of this weekend I wont have to endure another two weeks of 49ers super bowl hype. That will be nice.
Not much to talk about in the AFC. I think everyone has just been waiting to get to the Baltimore New England game since those were hands down the two best teams clearly all year in the AFC. Getting there was easy for New England: Denver's defense just didnt show up. Seriously can you please just cover Gronkowski? You have two full seasons of film on the guy. Figure it out already.
For Baltimore, I think two things happened that is going to cause Baltimore to unreasonably be significant underdogs in this game. First, they played down to their competition, specifically at QB. The Ravens didn't fear TJ Yates and they played just enough defense to let their 20 points dictate the game. Everyone is going to lament the fact that Baltimore only scored 3 points in the final 3 quarters but take a step back here. Baltimore is up 17-3 at home against a rookie QB. They have probably scored all the points they need (and did). Baltimore shut it down fast and were never threatened the rest of the game. Second, Houston's defense is really good. Like irrationally underrated good. They were 2nd in total yardage, 3rd in passing yardage, 4th in rushing yardage, and 4th in points allowed. Despite this they turned in 17 points in the first quarter and cruised the rest of the way.
This is why betting on Baltimore is the best bet of the weekend. Too much is made of the previous week and things routinely aren't looked at rationally. Baltimore will score against New England and they will score enough to beat them. Their defense is plenty good to hold New England down and they are precisely the team you never want to play when they are given no chance to win. No betting site has less than a 7.5 point spread. That ludicrous. Baltimore wins this game: Baltimore 23 New England 20.
A Baltimore New York Super Bowl? Sigh. What do you guys think out there in the blogosphere? Do enjoy seeing teams you hate lose as much as seeing teams you like win? For you 49ers fans what will do when you suffer the same fate and have your season terminated by Bitchface Manning?
In your reasons why the 49ers will lose, you forgot (probably knowingly) to mention the most important reason why the 49ers WILL win this game: Jim Harbaugh. Again, I quote Rick, "In Harbaugh We Trust." Harbaugh's game preparation and coaching plays a major role in the 49ers being in every single game, and in crunch-time, his players will put it over the top for him. Go Niners!
ReplyDeleteOh, and if you're any kind of 49ers fan, you were thinking "Young to Owens" on the final play of the final drive (driving toward the same end zone as in 1998), and you knew - you just knew - it was time.
Davis! Davis! Davis!
"First to Five" and "Still in the Mix for Number Six!"
Go Niners!
Away we go:
DeleteTo answer the question, I do love to see teams I hate lose but when I point out how they got their asses kicked, I'm assaulted with the "at least they were there" argument. My rebuttal to that draws on my days as a wrestler. On a few occasions, I lost a close match in a semi-final and watched the guy who beat me get his ass stomped by the guy on the other side of the bracket. My response was always the same. I'd gladly take a bronze medal win over a silver medal beat down.
As for the Texans game, you are right about their defense. I've seen them play a couple times this season and to call them underrated is a gross understatement (see what I did there). But Joe Flacco and his mustache have been there before and as any #12 seed in the NCAA tournament will tell you, charm and wide-eyed optimism will only get you so deep into the post-season. The Baltimore Convicts have the experience to know that you only have to do what is needed to win. Against T.J. Yates in his last relevant NFL performance, it was score 20 and let your defense dictate the rest.
Green Bay/NY was the exact outcome I expected. Remember early in the season when the Packers made the NFL look like a JV league and Aaron Rodgers was throwing 7 TD's a game? Seems like a long time ago especially after that KC game showed the rest of the league what I already knew about teams that are high-powered offenses. When they don't click out of the gate, they struggle and struggling puts you in prime position to lose...even if you are 15-1. Looks like Aaron Rodgers still has less championship belts than Miss Elizabeth and Ted DiBiase.
NO/SF- First off Matt, I am so sorry for all the bandwagon-dom. I'm sure it's crazy. Alex Smith looks dead on like Aaron Rodgers to me so he has that going for him. Harbaugh has done a fantastic job with those turds so he deserves credit. The real problem will be next year when they play a tougher schedule.
NE/DEN- And here we get to it. Tom WelKowski beat the shit our of Denver. Like to the point where Tebow's mom thought that a shmoshmortion would have been less painful (go ahead and boo me for that one) to suffer through. We've established all season that no defense has figured out how to cover Banana Hands Gronkowski so the logical answer is just throw him the ball 10 times a game (he's like Jason Witten with a qb better than Romo!). The other players on the offense (the Law Firm, Woodhead, Welker and even the good NFL Mexican Hernandez) have been doing exactly what their roles call for so Brady's job is fairly easy. What stood out to me about this game was the defense. Tebow played a horrible game statistically but the real story was that it shook down that way because every single option play went nowhere. We all know the best chance you have to beat the Broncos is to A) not let them hang around to run the ball when you are dog-shit tired in the 4th and B) unlike recent history which is a fluke more than anything, you make Tebow throw the ball. Denver's defense didn't show up and if they had, it wouldn't have made much of a difference, God doesn't work Saturdays. It's in his contract.
I honestly will not be watching the Super Bowl this year. The teams will not impress or compulse me to watch, the halftime will be shit and the ad's I can just watch as a supercut on Buzzfeed the next day.
Oh and as for your American dream, Matty. You are a white lawyer. Pretty much above the law at this point so I'll just be voting for you this year.
Chris - I have maintained all year that Harbaugh is coach of the year, but I just have a hard time picking a team that needs a miraculous 2 minute drill to beat a bottom 10 defense despite a +4 turnover ratio. Especially when their next opponent can score like the Saints and in this postseason at least has had a dominant defense. I just see Alex Smith playing from behind the sticks on 3rd down just a little too often for SF to pull this one out.
ReplyDeleteGabe - Yeah I think what stands out most in your post was that NE defense. Despite have almost no verifiable talent on that side of the ball NE still can come up big through scheme. And they sure schemed their defense perfectly. Of course it helped when NE went up 28-7 and then 35-7 in the first half. Just awful defense by Denver, it's not like Denver turned it over 5 times either, the shortest scoring drive NE had was 44 yards.
I refuse to believe that Gronkowski is uncoverable. In fact I refuse to believe that the entire patriots passing attack can't be covered effectively. They have no deep threat whatsoever. Why not simply take away everything within 15 yards and make brady stand there for a split second more having to make a downfield throw. With the exception of Branch's TD which was an anomaly, all of those TDs were like 15 yards or less. I dont understand how teams can't take advantage of that.